004

memo to self 004:

listening back on your old music,

reading your old letters,

watching your old films -

you are struck by this:

you're still writing the same music,

haunted by the same fears,

struggling to make the same scenes -

the difference is you're becoming better at those things, note by note, word by word, shot by shot. they're being shaped by life experience and maturity and patience. its not that you're become less insecure, but that you're just more accepting of those insecurities.

you are merely become better at being yourself --

its fucking weird.

especially because you know how shit your old stuff seems to you now... and you know that all the work you're currently doing - the work you're learning to actually be proud of - is going to be as repugnant as your old stuff in five years time. its humbling.