snorkling.

remembering now the mexican walking fish. he had two in a tank in the corner of in his room (which was at the back of the house). he showed them to me before reading from the big red book. dungeons and dragons for the first time.

remember now him snorkling. when he and his sister stayed with us, he'd get up early and go. for hours and hours he'd float, fascinated by the fish.

remembering now how they didn't have a television and that was just weird. they had a piano and board games and talked passionately of religion and philosophy and politics.

remembering now his mother and father were a nun and a franciscan. they fell in love and left their orders. his father was tall and brilliant. (and an alcoholic - so i later learned).

remembering now finding an unsent love letter to him from my sister. used to rib her over it but actually liked the idea. he and tom baker where my heroes at the time.

remembering now learning he was the editor of his university's paper. full of wit and wisdom. he had become tall and brilliant like his father.

remembering now seeing him on a train. he had finished his arts degree (literature & philosophy). he was living in newtown, writing his first novel. he dashed off the train to avoid the ticket inspectors.

remembering now being told he was a junkie. (for three or four years at least). tall and brilliant and utterly self-destructive, like his father. it was bad. a man hollowed out by his worse impulses. a fucking shell.

remembering now talking about the bird parker and john coltrane and miles davis with my mother one christmas while listening to same. she found it so sad that the brilliantly creative were so brilliant at self destructive. i'm thinking this is when she told me of johnathan's addiction. she had known for a while but didn't want to tell me.

remembering now that i don't know how he is doing or if indeed he is doing at all.

remembering now that i haven't thought of this for a long time. only reason i thought about it today was because i read something about snorkling andthen here i am.

II.