20

the intoxicating cadences of speech seem so elusive. i can only speak with one voice. but it is not my own.

brainfood 3

The Language of Deadwood, Mamet and Whedon : Great analysis of the language (in dialogue) used by said writers.

Seven Basics for Comic Writers : cause even comic writers get the blues.

19

memo to self

Be thankful you don't have the ability to mimic your influences - it forces you to be interesting.

18

So, we started playing guns down in the bush nearby. We used just take cap guns or water pistols with us. They were symbolic. We'd take five minutes to hide, then stalk around trying to find the others. If you saw em, you called out their name and position: ("I can see you Ben - you're climbing the left rock face" "Ahh fuck"). As we got older, by which I mean like 15, a couple of the posse thought it wise to upgrade to Replica BB Guns - imported from China via Queensland. They looked real, or real enough to pass for some Glock 17s and a Desert Eagle. Mad blinging symbolic value.

One Saturday evening, after the sun set and it was too hard to see anyone, we figured we should grab some burgers from the local. We crawled out of the bush and took a short cut across the series of ovals. While the middles were ringed with light, the edges pretty much fell into darkness.

So here we are wandering across the oval, when we stumbled into one of these dark patches. In the comfort of said darkness a bunch of older guys, like 17, were drinking beers on the seats. They made drunken remarks as drunk teenagers do. Words were exchanged... then Ben.

Ben, bless his heart, is the kinda guy that always gets you into fights. He always says the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong drunk guy. I've been chased by packs of footy heads wielding club locks because of that man.

So Ben, being Ben, said something wrong, wrongly timed to the wrong drunk guy. SMASH. BEN was swiftly dealt a punch across the face. It all kinda went slow motion from that point forward.

After staggering back, Ben retaliated. Sensing a ruckus, the Bigger Older Sketchy Dudes closed in on us. One of them even smashed his beer bottle against his seat and then wielded it like this big brown jaggered-edged fucking knife. Shiiit.

Our posse kinda just looked at each other: oh yeah, we were about to get well and truly fucked up. (Thanks Ben).

Except Jason.

Jason had this kind of determined grin on his face. Ben was his best friend and still is - like a decade on Ben is his best man at his (Jason's) wedding. So Jason is knowing he ain't about toever let Ben get well and truly fucked up by a pack of VB drinking subhumans. Ever the thinker, Jason reaches inside his jacket pocket -

whips out his Replica Glock 17.

Points it straight at the main Big Older Sketchy Dude.

Slow motion slows down so much it all just stops for a moment.

Freeze frame.

"Put the gun away, put the gun away"

I don't know who said it first but that soon turned into a chorus from us: "put the gun away, put the gun away"*.

We're all thinking that if they realise the gun was fake things were about to get really messy, really quick.

Jason wasn't backing down but, he just kept the gun trained on the Main Sketchy Guy who was just frozen there (hopefully peeing his pants).

He flinched -

and both our respective posses just gunned it in opposite directions.

Of course, being boys, were were all like THAT WAS FUCKING COOL WE COULDVE TAKEN EM FUCK YEAH afterwards.

Ah, the stupidity of youth.

[memories]

Moral of the Story: This is why they outlawed replicas.

Pop Personality Quiz

The Color Quiz (once again) via Christy. Because y'know, between me arbitarily chosing colours and the random playlist generated by my iPod you just *know* this is me in a nutshell. For the record I'm a ENTP/ENFP (I oscillate between the T and the F, although I tend to be more on the T side) and once upon a time I was a 3w2 but now I'm just got a straight 7 and using another test got a massive strong type 4 (with a strong negative 3). For thoroughness, I'm also a classic Sagittarius. Mix it all together, average it out, and you might get close.

Anywho, on with the fun!

Your Existing Situation

Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.

Your Stress Sources

Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which he feels separates himself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. He therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on him and insists on being free and unhampered.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Believes that he is not receiving his share--that he is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that he is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave him without any sense of emotional involvement.

Your Desired Objective

Shelves his ambitions and forgoes his desire for prestige as he prefers to take things easily and indulge his longing for comfort and security.

Your Actual Problem

Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of his own efforts.

Your Actual Problem #2

The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

CONCLUSION

Wow, apparently I need to take things easy and indulge my need for comfort, while also fighting against restrictions and limitations.


Currently playing in iTunes: Gorecki: Symphony #3, Op. 36, "Symphony Of Sorrowful Songs" - 1. Lento, Sostenuto Tranquillo Ma Cantabile by Dawn Upshaw, David Zinman; London Sinfonietta

the Plan (Part 2)

(FYI: This is one of those dry introspective posts that I'm using as a way of organising my thoughts.)

Past

So, I'm sitting here admiring the ingenious combination of heater and fan that is drying my washing. Its a few days before the deadline for Strand 1A funding from the AFC and I'm getting a little... pensively pragmatic.

You may recall that I had written an extensive braindump of a strategy to help me secure some money to continue working on My Baby. That didn't happen. Only a few days after I wrote the plan, I attended an Australian Writer's Guild talk on getting funding. I've got pages of notes on the nitty gritty... but the breaking moment was speaking to the NSW Film and Television Office (FTO) rep about their funding program (not Strand 1A). I asked whether they would fund a project that wasn't a feature, but a short feature needing to be turned into a feature. She said emphatically No. My heart sank. She made the point that I had until May to turn it into a feature. The exchange went something like this.

"You do have until May to get it written into a feature."
"That's going to be difficult. I've got to rebreak the story"
"I'm glad you recognise that. A feature is a long, difficult thing to write."
"Thanks, that tells me what I need to know."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah... I'll see you next year hopefully"

Which I hopefully will. This year I certainly wasn't going to get Shunted ready for the FTO funding round and, as I walked home (an hour or so walk), I decided that I was going to write a 1st Draft of the Feature Length Version of My Baby before I applied for Strand 1A funding. I needed the money to focus on the problems that will arise in its translation from 50 pages to a 120 or so pages, rather than focusing on the problems in the short feature which I'm intending to fix by lengthening it. (FYI: The most consistent criticism I get of the script is that its too short "A series of highlights from something longer").

A week after that, Superman then entered chronic crunch time - 80+ hour weeks for nearly three months. (Hence two months paid leave overseas)

Sadly, I'm now once again staring down the Crunch Barrel on a different project. It should only last until the beginning of July but I'm cynical about such things. Thankfully, it does had an end-of-the-line in that I fly out on the 6th August, even if the project is unfinished. (Albeit the distinct possibility that work will have to pay for me to change flights. Ironically, that might be kinda cool cause I could make Loudpark in Tokyo... which I'm missing by a week in yet another case of bad timing [which is pretty much haunts my life in every facet] My timing is just out).

Present

So, obviously, all my original plans are in tatters... and I feel hollow and drained creatively. I've been working on other aspects of my life to make me feel less hollow and drained, but not on the creative. Which is why I'm writing this blog entry. I need a new plan, well a sketch of a plan, that won't get massively fucked over a few days after its inception.

So here are my knowables:

* Until early July, I'll be having one-day weekends aka a weekpause.
* I fly out on the 6th August.
* I return early October. My return flights are flexible and I've kept a week buffer between when I'm scheduled to return home (2nd) and when I return to work (9th?). This is partly because:
* I'm moving out of they terrace in Erko. When I return, I'm going to be looking for a place to live (preferably near here). I can bunk with the Parentals as long as I need but commuting an hour each way every day isn't something I want to do for long (as will, I suspect, living with elderly folk).
* I will have a job when I return which is comforting from a financial perspective. However, odds are I'll be thrown back into the fire to relieve crunch pressure or push through a smaller project. That's going to be a helluva shock to the system.

So between now and when I fly out, I have around 8 to 10 days off to organise little things like my passport, clothing, backpack, my tax return (last years!), and moving out. I need to be honest about how much I can realistically achieve with writing where there is so much that -needs- to be done. (Technically, my tax doesn't need to be done. Sure, I could be fined for being late, BUT the ATO owes me money, so its kinda smart to do the return ASAP so I can get some more money before I go).

Future

Sure, part of the reason I'm going to is to assist with my writing. Like all good young Australians, going traveling on the Continent is as much about running away from yourself as it is about having a holiday. Displace yourself to find your place.

Ideally, I'll be returning with a notepads full of notes and ideas. I just need to position myself so I have time and, more importantly, space to develop them. Which in foresight doesn't look too hopeful but I must try for my mental sanity.

I want to shoot for the January round of Strand 1A funding. If I return in October, that gives me three months to write around 120 pages. That's going to be tough, even if on pure numbers its around one and a third pages a day. (c.f. the screenwriting fortnight). It has to be good - this isn't a flash in the pan project to get pen on paper, its about securing money to live on so I can write pseudo professionally. I want to get this thing to a point so that late 2007, early 2008, I can use my one really good studio contact to get this thing read... and on the path to development.

Of course, the flip side of this is that I don't just want to write with words. I want to write with the camera. I know that. Really know that. I miss being behind the camera. I cam operated on a Jamie's podcast this weekend and it made me so happy. Being on set is like an improvised performance.. you act by instinct and intuition. Its so refreshing to be creative like that rather than living in the ever downward spiral of self reflectivity.

So I need to find a way to work that into the plan too. Shoot some music videos, a short or two (preferably funded), maybe even some commercials. Otherwise, if my script does get picked up in a few years [and I have faith it will], I won't be anywhere near in a position to negotiate myself into the director's chair. Nor will I have the confidence to sit in it. Writing and directing this project has always been my goal. I can't lose site of that by being too parochial.

Hard is what its going to be. Fucking hard. I've let myself been broadsided for the last six months and its time for that to stop. But how?

The How

One thing I've learnt first hand about project management on huge daunting projects is to not be daunted. To not be daunted, you need to break up projects into conceivable chunks. The conceivability of these chunks makes them achievable. Then you take the chunks and break them into discrete, containable problems. When you complete each problem you can experience the Euphoria of actually completing something. What I call a 'small victory' (which you need to keep yourself motivated). It makes it easier to multi task too, as you can switch between containable problems as soon as one is complete.

For e.g. I wanted to work on my script this long weekend. However, I knew that just sitting in front of my note pad or laptop thinking "need to work on my script, need to work on my script" would be counter productive and probably destructive. So I decided I would write out my big picture plan first, hence this blog entry. I'll then move onto some of the other containable problems I need to do (ie sort my receipts, start my tripwiki)... when those are done, I'll come back and tackle another containable script problem.

How you decide your containers should vary based on your circumstance. Sometimes 'time containers' (ie sitting a time limit on a task) can be very effective motivators for things you'd rather not do. e.g. Tonight I'm going to spend an hour maximum sorting through my receipts, then I'll reward my pain by working on my tripwiki using VoodooPad.

So the next two months will be constantly breaking down what I need to do on:

* My trip
* Moving out
* Taxation
* Script prep

Hopefully, I can gracefully juggle these four projects by using this approach. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, moving on to break down what remains... &c.

Hopefully I can pull it off with aplomb.

postscript
I need to give myself an ultimatum. If work continues to corrode my creativity by consuming my life then I need to bail after the next project. Being on the tough career path to being a VFX Producer when I don't want to be one is just a wee bit stupid. I need to make sure I don't get distracted by prestige.

That said, I could push for a lateral transfer to our daughter company who may start developing something fucking cool based on one of my off hand ideas. I could handle that, I think. NB to Self: What did you say about being distracted by prestige?