the economist

if i can take any action that involves a result that i will be comfortable with, i will risk it. i find a lot of people these days don't. that's why they stay unhappy for long periods of time.

not always because things dont go to plan. but u always gotta do wat u feel most comfortable with. if u value doing nothing and staying unhappy, then by doing nothing u are doing what u are most happy with. on the other hand, if u value doing something in the hope that it will make u happy if successful more than staying unhappy and doing nothing, then u will be happy by trying.

a self-centred person will often ignore ur motives themselves if u act upon them. if u take action based on something that u feel will benefit urself, a self-centred person, someone affected by ur action, may see it as selfish. a non-self-centred person will understand the reason why u have taken action and forgive it. therefore, action in all ways can be justified. being self-centred to the self-centred. and those who are not self-centred will value taking no offense more than taking offense...thus satisfying once again the philosophy.

the way the theory goes is that if u weigh up all the options and the consequences of your actions and do what u feel is right based upon those consequences, not only to urself but to others, ur actions will be dictated. depending on the type of person u are, selfish or selfless, ur decisions will make u happy. if u are an asshole, then u have disregard for people and others. because the consequences to them of ur actions don't matter.

if u are not an asshole, then u will value not hurting another by looking at the consequences of that action and saying that it is not worth it to u by hurting that person. my philosophy doesn't tell people what to do. it merely examines the way people often work.

hmph.

as it turns out, i just needed a restart to cure the ills of logic and netnewswire. unfortunately, it seems that in my journey home i broke one of the little cables in my headphones, so they're not so good. so i've been writing music for the last three hours with the right hand headsphone cable being held in a 'working' place by my mouth.


ah well, perhaps it'll motivate me to get the stuff i need to have my computer connected to my monitors again. speakers are far better for your ears, make it harder to get sonic fatigue, and are much much better for mixing on. (even if all i'm doing is scratch mixing).


i'm also getting a cold. bummer...

almost sounds dangerously like a plan

Looks like upgrading to 10.4.5 broke my copy of Logic, which is two minor versions out-of-date... [looks like it broke Net News Wire too and hey the Finder just crashed... this was a bad upgrade] so I'm going to have to settle for paying $80 for the upgrade... sigh. I was hoping to work on my current track, instead I have to listen to it making mental notes of what I want to do. Its getting there... needs some work on the structure...

At least lack of music-writing access is motivating me to do some writing, of which this blog entry kind of qualifies. [I just hope I didn't loose the momentum on the music writing, cause this track has just made huge leaps in two weeks]

Its March, which means its two months since Stupid Writing Man (remember him?) polished off the draft of My Baby (which I'll just call by its working name, Shunted [suggestions for a title are appreciated]). Deadline for strand 1A development money is June. That's 3 months to prepare my application which, thankfully, isn't another draft - rather its a concrete plan for the next draft. The funding is to assist you in writing the next draft. Genius.

The problem is I'm also Momentum Man. When I have momentum on a project, I'm fucking unstoppable - it consumes me... and that's the place I love being - creativity becomes the inspiration itself for continuing. [whistful] I'll keep on rolling and snowball until I hit the wall. When I stop that very inertia makes it difficult to start again as I get caught up in other things, like the Sith Lords or getting drunk or writing music.

So here I am, I'm motivated to get rolling on Shunted again to build the momentum. That's why I'm writing this entry, so I can get a feel for the shape of the next three months.

Here's what I know --

I need to spend a good month on the application. That's all of May. The application is a critique of the current draft focusing on proposed solutions to identified story problems. e.g. 'The third act isn't working, I'm thinking its because of X and Y, so I'm going to do A and B to fix them'.

That means for the two months before, I need to be working out what the problems are and the proposed solutions.

This is my current plan of attack (its going to be a BrainDump™ so bare with me):

Spend the next week collecting, watching, and reading reference & inspirational material. Current thoughts of things to revisit are: The Real Thing by Tom Stoppard (its a play), Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood for Love, some Brecht and Chekov plays (unsure which), watch Solaris, finish watching Love My Wa, revist key episodes of Six Feet Under, and perhaps re-read some sections of Vale's technique..

Most importantly, collect a whole bunch of still image references. Locations, people, interiors, etc. Anything visual related to the story somehow... categorise it too (to help the brain categorise it). This will be ongoing throughout the process The idea is to get my brain processing all these places/things/people while I work through the next stage... I need to push certain visual aspects of the story (I already know that)

I'm going to read over the script again, making notes of things I feel can be developed or changed... Then I'm going to re-read all the feedback I've collected.... The idea is my brain is going to be chewing over what needs to be done.

Once that's done, I'm going to just BrainJam™ ideas... scenes, character backgrounds, etc. Just want to 'break my eye open'. for e.g. I plan to run The Analyst with my characters... just totally looking for possibilities.

I'll probably let those ideas sit for a while and get a stew going...

Then I'll try and shape them into something cohesive... Just 'this works, not this, maybe this... perhaps this here'... Start formulating some new direction for the story.

Perhaps I'll even start doing a new outline or a beat sheet (possibly a beat sheet). It doesn't have to be anything concrete, that's the brilliant thing...

At this point, I'll be ready to work on the application. The application itself becomes the instrument to focusing my ideas, because that's exactly what I have to do with it. All the work before hand is to assist me in finding new ways to approach the problems rather than actual concrete solution. I want to give the AFC a feel for where I want to head, but i want to save the real work of rebreaking the story / outlining / beat sheeting / writing to the actual part after they give me the money.

Almost sounds dangerously like a plan. Its a bit rambly, cause its me just dumping out on a blog entry what I nee to do. I think the next few days will be spent refining this approach, as its the first stage of building momentum. Wish me luck :)

Surry Hills at approximately 2am Saturday the 25th

X: You right sister?
[B waves S away]
B: I can look after myself.
A: So you live here?
B: Nah.
A: So where you from?
B: N.T.
A: What you doing in Sydney?
B: I dance with Youthu Yindi. Go home soon. Back in November.
C: You have really beautiful art.
A: Where are you staying?
B: In Glebe. We're having a BBQ on Sunday. You want to come?
C: You have beautiful art with all the dots and everything.
D: Dude, she's a dancer, not an artist.
C: But you make art, right?
D: She dances, not paints.
[A points at B's shirt]
A: You seen the movie?
D: Nah, but I've liked him since I was six. My dad has all his records.
B: [starts singing]
D: You like Johnny Cash?
B: [continues singing]
A: So you play or anything?
D: Nah.
B: My son plays guitar, he likes this song.
A: How old is your son?
B: 11.
C: I'm going to get a drink.
[Exeunt C]
D: I, ah...
[D follows]
B: Y'know the Post Office, in Glebe?
S: Yeah.
B: Meet you there on Sunday.
S: Er.
B: We got the BBQ.
S: Maybe.
B: Maybe?.
[S shrugs]
B: I'm going to the toilet and I'm taking my beer.
[B leaves]
S: Its nearly 3, you wanna see if we can make the cricket? The townie will be open.
A: Sure.

passe the sauce

A:
I don't know -- everyone has one. Even that slut over there.

B:
Yeah, they're pretty passe.

A:
Who ever thought they'd become cool?

B:
They're cool now? Did I miss something?

A:
Easy for you to say, you've already got one.

B:
[italics indicating quotation marks made with hand in air]
"Hi, I'm a self absorbed geek"
You think that's easy to admit?

A:
Do you have to answer everything with a question?

B:
What makes you think they're questions?

A:
Tone. You have tone.

B:
There is no tone.

A:
Then why do they sound like questions?

B:
They're categorical stipulations.

A:
You're just fucking with me, aren't you?

B:
Why would I do that? You're fucking with me.

A:
What's it mean?

B:
Weblog.

A:
I always thought it was something dirty. Like "See that slut over there? She's on her blogs."

B:
[chokes]
I'm trying to drink beer here.

A:
Sorry.

B:
No you're not.

A:
Yeah, I'm not.

a long overdue post about post

[I'm at the age where I know I'm not old enough]

In case you hadn't noticed, I've stopped blogging about post. Some of you may find it tragic but I suspect those of you who may have already left. Yet somehow I'm compelled to write an explanation, perhaps to create a sense of quasi closure.

There are three reasons:

(a) I now work in the world series of post, feature film VFX for Hollywood productions. I spend much of my working life thinking and talking about pipeline and process and renderfarm capacity. Ergo, I have no massive interest in blogging about it*.

(b) A lot of what once interested me has now been solved. Desktop DI is [sticks finger in air to feel direction of wind] 4 years away and inevitable. Intelligent media management will be the new battleground for professional post products. Toxik is just the beginning; expect FCP and its ilk to nail MM over the coming five years. As for shooting mediums, there's already an entire gamut of awesome choices. The HVX200 solves the low end totally and (soon) Red will solve the high end. Personally, I'd shoot S16mm and do a full DI. In the end, though, it doesn't matter. Why? Your choice of shooting medium is so solid now that absolutely the only thing that will fuck up your film is...

(c) Storytelling. This is where my focus is and always has been (however subconscious). I've simply let myself get distracted by questions of post and production because the a're easier, because they are solveable problems. I deluded myself into thinking that by solving production issues, I'd suddenly be able to tell stories. Bullshit. Storytelling is hard. Storytelling is hard because its ethereal. Thats what I love about it. The time for delusion and distraction is over.

This is where I start rambling, so you're welcome to alight from the bus now....

I'm not alone in such an epiphany. See:

In the summer of 2005, I made an important decision. I concluded that screenwriting was my best bet at becoming a filmmaker. You see, I had spent the last few years trapped in a creative dead-end. Instead of making short films, I kept micromanaging a spectacularly successful fantasy career. I conceived a whole body of work, and imagined the production process and critical reception of each film.

-- Ismo Santala on Smart Hollywood

(I've only discovered the above quoted blog tonight and I'm enjoyng it. Ismo sounds even more insanely abstract than me. Brilliant.)

Let me share a secret with you:

Storytelling is fucking hard.

This means two things.

1. If you want to be good, you have to earn it. Note my judicious choice of the word 'earn' over the word 'work'. [waits for pin to drop]

2. If you become good then you've got a chance.

Hence screenwriting. I don't care if you've won (or been) a finalist a Tropfest or directed TV Commercials -- fundamentally, you'll need a fucking good script to get the coin to make a film.**

So I've asked myself, where do I want to spend my (little remaining) energy? Trying to crack into the TVC directing world, trying to make a successful short film, or learn how to actually write the 'fucking good script'? Seems to me that the other two 'paths' throw additional variables in the mix, cause you'll still be hunting for a good script. Yeah, they are good writers out there, but you'll have to spend time finding them and having the skills to pick out a good script. I'd just rather do it myself.

Yes, ultimately, I want to direct... and cinema is littered with the bodies of writer-directors who just weren't that good at one of those things (if not both). I don't plan to do that. Yes, I am itching to get back on set. But whatever I make next cannot be shackled by bad writing. To take the next leap in my directing skillz, I need to have a good script... Really, I think it is that simple.

... and I actually find writing deeply satisfying too. So its not like its a burden I'm struggling with out of necessity.

At this point, I was going to segueway into discussing this awesome article: How to Do What You Love. However, I am tired, and I think it merits a whole separate discussion***. I've rambled enough which, evidentially, is something I do love doing...

[I'm at the age where I know I'm not old enough]

* Truth be told, this is not strictly true. Some friends and I mooted the idea of starting a new blog dedicate solely to discussing 'next generation post'. Real big picture, where can we be in 5 years, kinda stuff. However, notice the complete lack of development on that front beyond mooting. c.f. article on doing things you love above.

** And I want the coin, not because I want rich, but coin gives you the freedom to make it properly. I've worked on enough sticky tape and glue productions to know its not how I want to make something.

*** Fooled you.

subtle tea.

Ever have one of those days where nothing comes right out?

[waits for pin to drop]

snorkling.

remembering now the mexican walking fish. he had two in a tank in the corner of in his room (which was at the back of the house). he showed them to me before reading from the big red book. dungeons and dragons for the first time.

remember now him snorkling. when he and his sister stayed with us, he'd get up early and go. for hours and hours he'd float, fascinated by the fish.

remembering now how they didn't have a television and that was just weird. they had a piano and board games and talked passionately of religion and philosophy and politics.

remembering now his mother and father were a nun and a franciscan. they fell in love and left their orders. his father was tall and brilliant. (and an alcoholic - so i later learned).

remembering now finding an unsent love letter to him from my sister. used to rib her over it but actually liked the idea. he and tom baker where my heroes at the time.

remembering now learning he was the editor of his university's paper. full of wit and wisdom. he had become tall and brilliant like his father.

remembering now seeing him on a train. he had finished his arts degree (literature & philosophy). he was living in newtown, writing his first novel. he dashed off the train to avoid the ticket inspectors.

remembering now being told he was a junkie. (for three or four years at least). tall and brilliant and utterly self-destructive, like his father. it was bad. a man hollowed out by his worse impulses. a fucking shell.

remembering now talking about the bird parker and john coltrane and miles davis with my mother one christmas while listening to same. she found it so sad that the brilliantly creative were so brilliant at self destructive. i'm thinking this is when she told me of johnathan's addiction. she had known for a while but didn't want to tell me.

remembering now that i don't know how he is doing or if indeed he is doing at all.

remembering now that i haven't thought of this for a long time. only reason i thought about it today was because i read something about snorkling andthen here i am.

II.